Between Up and Down
by ThatLadyHannah
Summary: She was undiagnosed, she lived in a world that was so normal, and she wasn't. She floated either to high or to low, and envied everyone that got to just be in-between up and down. Mental health Fic, M for language, sexual content and mature topics.
A wind blew rustling the trees and her hair; she looked up with her eyes closed and a small content smile graced her soft face. Had she been a blond, there was no doubt that her nickname would have been 'Sunflower'. Because when spring and summer blessed the once barren land not only did the work bloom, she did too. Facing the sun and trying to take in as much of its warm light as she could.

Rose lips released a breathless sigh. It was the last day of university before summer holiday. Even if it was only one more exam she had left, her yearning for vacation to start had taken over all her thoughts. So much so that while walking to this last exam she mindlessly and uncharacteristically passed a small group of young adults her age, sitting in the square waiting for her.

"Hey. Hey! Hina!" A young brunette man hopped up from his seat and continued yelling for the indigo haired woman attention till he caught up with her.

"Hinata! Just gonna walk to Modern Mythology without us?!" He questioned her as he grabbed her hand and warmly smiled down at her.

Hinata looked up at her dear friend and returned his charismatic smile. She took in and admired the man in front of her. How his physical stature had tremendously changed, from the early pubescent boy she had first met with a cracking voice, acne, and standing no taller than herself. To the gentleman infant of her. Twenty-one years old, he had grown up; no more acne and standing roughly a foot taller his voice no longer cracked at random. But some things stayed the same, like his charisma his love, loyalty, humor, and loyalty never faltered. He watched as a sudden realization of her ignorance of her friends presence settled against her face.

"Oh my Lanta!" Hinata exclaimed. "Kiba! I am so sorry!" She was scrambling to string together right words into a coherent apology.

"I was so caught up in the beautiful weather and wanting to get there and be done with it, I didn't even see you all!"

A hug from and exuberant and gorgeous blue eyed blonde woman, as well as he arm being taken hostage by a maiden of pink hair stopped her from her apology. The Four continued to their final final of the year. Chatting the entire way of the bar hopping and partying that would ensue this summer

Hinata pursed her lips together and looked up at the sky one last time before entering the lecture hall. The clear skies had been quickly replaced with dark clouds and not a single spring creature mad an appearance. Only a lone raven flew overhead, landing on the building and cawing at nothing in particular. Had she been a particularly negative person she would have taken it as a bad omen. But instead she thought to herself, still smiling, that today and this holiday would be exceedingly interesting, before entering the stone shelter in front of her to finish out the academic career.

Alpha Nu Konichis and Delta Phi Omega were the epitome of greek royalty on the campus. They were widely known as sorority and fraternity that threw the best parties, with the most beautiful people, clever minds, and cunning attitudes. All classes were out and Hinata had been abducted by her excitable female counterparts to join them to the Konichi house.

"I think I have the perfect thing for all of us to wear," the blond stated.

"Ino," Hinata looked at her in horror. "I promise to wear whatever you and Sakura pick out for me, so long as you stay away from my hair and make up."

She slipped out of their arms and walked up the stepped of a beautiful traditional white house and opened the door. The subtle smells of a warm sugary garden wafted up to her nose. It complimented the interior of the palace set before them. All light pastel colors, and everything pristine and clean in the common rooms. Thats the way all Alpha Nu houses were though, the rules stated that as long as all common areas of the house were in order your assigned room could be however you chose to style it. Hinata did not belong to this sisterhood, not officially at least. Nor did she belong to any greek family. Her only association was through her friends, and how actively she participated in their events.

They had all been together since early puberty. There was six of them, and while four of them ended up at the same school, the other two would visit regularly during holidays and stay in contact through out the rest of the year. Those two who chose another school did so because they wanted to study biology, which barely had a program at Konohagaku University. Shino and Choji would have loved to stay with their friends, but found it would be more beneficial for them to attend another school.

All of the tight nit friends had grown tremendously, including the Hyuga. From a shy girl with social anxieties, to a vibrant ray of light sharing a smile with everyone she met. She no longer hid behind an array of oversized clothing or her hair. Long had she abandoned her stutter. Her father had been so proud when she showed up to a business affair in well fitted clothes, and delivered an ornate and eloquent speech about the importance of innovation in the growth of companies. Despite this new image she had created, and her new found love of being around people, she still overall preferred to be alone.

Living in a quaint one bedroom studio apartment, she thrived alone and unwatched. It was a safe haven. A place to retreat to when things got to exciting.

Hinata was lucky, she knew this. She made sure to tell herself every time they all went out to an event. She had loving friends surrounding her, and always there for her. Her family was supportive of her every move and provided her everything she needed. And still, an overwhelming feeling of loneliness always blanketed her mind and heart. This was the reason behind her impulsive behavior. Things including but never limited to, falling in love to easily, drugs, dangerous stunts like cliff jumping. All things to try and fill an empty hole inside of her and to ignore the psychological pain for one day more. To try and slowdown her speeding thoughts and quick changing moods.

She was shaken out of her trance by Sakura.

"Hina are you gonna be ok? You don't have to be here, or around him," she said concerned.

"I'm fine I promise. Lets just go have fun," Hinata smiled at her friends, unknowing of what was to come in the near future.

The party started to kick up around 2330 on that warm muggy evening. Music loud, bodies meshing together in sweaty harmony. The river of drinks flowed steadily, and no one was sober. Kia had found his girls as soon as they had arrived, and had shots already lined up for them. They were well past turning back now, the only way to reach sobriety again was to sleep it off the next day.

Hinata had managed to escape her unruly friends, and slipped through a sea of people towards a bathroom. Almost to the door she bumped into someone and spilt a drink. Looking up the apology that was once meant to escape her lips haunted at her tongue. A mess of blonde hair and eyes holding the ocean stared back at her. His usual party face painted on, whiskers on each cheek, were beginning to run due to a mix of drugs, alcohol, and dancing. He was perfect to the outside world, she remembered. Charming, active, the living incarnation of The Statue of David. She knew that he was anything but perfect though. He was a cheater and liar and manipulative in her eyes.

"Hey, Hina," he slurred through a sloppy foxy smile. Reaching towards the young woman infant of him, he wrapped his tan toned arms around her slender shoulders, before planting a kiss on top of her head. She managed to bend her arms and place her hands on his chest pushing distance between them.

"Get _off_ me, Naruto." was all she said before pushing him with all of her might. He was the last person she ever wanted to see, much less talk to or be touched by.

"Come on Hinata, don't tell me you didn't miss this," he said grabbing and caressing her hand. "Us, that is."

"Naruto, never in the rest of the lifespan of this universe will I ever miss _'US',_ "

With that she yanked away from him and barged through the bathroom door before closing it as quickly as she could. Regret filled her stomach when she met eye to eye with a young man who had obviously been snorting rails of white powder off the sink counter. She should have knocked. Her safe and happy environment and vibes had all left here with the taxing dance floor exchange. There was only one way, she reasoned, to fill this void inside her, get in on what this un named boy in the bathroom was doing.

"Mind if I get in on that?" she said with her sweetest voice and nicest smile. He gave her a sickly look and nodded his head, and she knew this might cost her, but took it as a sign to go ahead.

After a couple lines straight to her brain and half a joint later, her mood lifted again, and she was ready to attack the night. Before she could open the door to leave the boy grabbed her. He pinned her to the wall and started to explore her body with his mouth, or tried to at least.

"Get the fuck off me!" she wailed tears brimming her eyes "I'll give you cash for the blow, just get off!"

"Nah little mami, Kiba and Naruto told everyone how you are. This works as payment enough," He spit back, ignoring the hurt in her eyes, he began to grope her again. She slammed her heel into the top of his foot, ignoring his agonizing cry as she ran out of the washroom and to her friends.

"Hey Hina where you be," Kiba had been cut off by a sharp slap to the face and a sobbing woman seething in anger.

"I'd expect _him_ to spread rumors to the frat about me, but you?! I've never even kissed you. So fuck off out of my life, all of you." she turned and stormed away.

How had she been so blind and naive. None of them were her friends, she was a fashion accessory, unloved and disposable. She wasn't wanted at the party, thats why Sakura had assured her that she could 'go home'. It wasn't a friendly concerned option, but a suggestion forged in malice, and painted in fake gold. She stumbled through the house, grabbing a bottle of tequila, and any ad every pill she should find before she reached the front door.

Once out she broke into a sprint, loosing her shoes somewhere in the process. She ran to no where in particular. Only stopping when she realized that she had ran to a seedy part of town. Picking in no biased a dark alley she crumpled to the ground. Anger, depression, betrayal, anxiety, abandonment all washed over her. A Tsunami of negativity that Hinata could neither regulate nor rationalize. A slender shanking hand reached in her pocket pulling out pill after pill, popping them in her mouth and washing them down with the strong amber liquid she had taken as well. One by one she finished all of them, and the bottle.

She needed extra insurance though, as she smashed the bottle and picked up a shard. The piercing smell of iron blinded her senses, and a moan left her now pale lips. She reveled in the soft sound of her luminous skin tearing open, and the warm liquid spill out of her. She smiled for the first time that night. A real smile, and honest to god expression of content graced her face. Because Hinata finally never had to deal with any of this again.

HEY GUYS, i don't know if you've read my first story a one shot SASUHINA called Missed Connections. but i'll be writing in hints of that in this story. all though this is not a prequel or sequel. I know characters aren't in exact character, but bare with me. This story means a lot to me as it has my own diagnosis in it. And no need to worry, this is not a one shot, i don't know how long it will be, or if i'll even put romance in this, and if i do it'll not be a big plot point. Take this story as a story of saving yourself. again thank you for reading *beso*


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